wow

 For a long time I was so angry at God that i really couldn't see anyway around that anger... For those of you that don't know, seven years ago I had to privlage of meeting a sweet precious angel, Taryn, she's my neice and who olivia is named after. For reason's that I will never understand or fully grasp God called her home after only being with us for 10 weeks. So for about 5 1/2 years I was angry and bitter toward God and no one could convince me not to be, I guess it was my way of dealing. But then I got pregnant (something that was not planned) and we found out that olivia's due date was the Taryn's birthday and i knew God was up to something much bigger then me. My sweet little olivia  was born on the 18th but we came home from the hospital on the 21st (taryns birthday)  it was such a bittersweet day for my family, but i knew then that God was going to use olivia for healing and restoring mine and my family's faith. Boy has he blown my expectations out of the water.
Livi can walk into any place that my family is and you can see them light up from the inside out. This has been going on since that first day we brought her home. None of us will ever understand losing Taryn and we will always always miss her with every breath, but i know that her namesake lives on in a sweet little two year old sleeping in the room away.
  In saying all of that I love how when we least expect God to move, He is in the midst of doing everything.  There are certain things that I pray for on a daily basis and that list grows and decreses as the request come, but over the last few months the list has really just been all about how God is daily amazingly answering the cries of my heart and the friends and family that are all  around me. I love that when we think that God has done all He is going to do that he continues to push you outside that box of thinking and shows you another way that He is going to take care of you. How can you stay mad at a God that is going to continue to do such amazing things for you? I know that over the past year my heart has been healed in a lot of ways but I also know that God is not finished with me or with what He is going to use me for and for that i'm greatful.
KB

things i miss

 Okay being a former army brat (although i'm not sure that you can be former) I keep thinking about what all i really miss... These are just a few and intend on adding to it over time

- HAWAII (this to include the people.the amazing food(shaved ice on the north shore with the ice cream in the bottom) AMR, bellows beach oh did i say the people. the beauty of it being able to go out on the lanai and see the USS Arizona mem.oh yeah and the people... there are a few of you that i miss like crazy and really wish our lives had a daily connection.)
- the traveling.... that's kind of weird for me to say because for so long I was always bitter about having to pick up and move and start all over, but now i see how much it opened my eyes to the culture of the world and i wouldn't take that back(thanks daddy for giving us this life)
- the people that we met along the way.... whether that be mom and dad's friends or the friends that i made along the way! I think i'm one of the lucky ones because i met one of my best friends on this journey of being a military brat, and for the first time in almost 15 years we live in the same town again and she gets to see livi grow up and be a daily part of life(yes this has been a weird adjustment but i wouldn't change it for the world)
 That's it for now but trust me there will be much more to come on this topic.
KB

sorry two in a day

 So this goes along with the one from earlier really.... Tonight (well every night) I sing grace (amazing grace that is)to olivia when it's bed time , been doing it most of her life really. Well as of lately she sings back and mind you she knows every word! This is really what i mean when i say that i want to leave a legacy for her! I hope and pray  that she remembers it when she gets older, and that she does it with her little one!
 In other news i went shopping for her tonight, i got her ten new outfits! Yes i said ten! I bring them home and start showing them to her and want her to try them on! There were two pairs that i thought would just be way to big! Oh no they fit! My baby girl is in 3t's... Once again i hear you talking about me out there saying just wait till your buying her prom dress or something, well i'm not there yet! I am not ready to even move on to the next size so imagine me prom dress shopping in 15 years!
KB

purpose

So let's see how many are reading along with this....
What is your passion or purpose? Do you live each day going hard after that said thing? Why is that what your passionate about?

For me everything i really do is about Livi, she is my passion. I want to leave my legacy behind for her and i want her to be proud of me. Those seem like very big shoes to fill! But i know that i get up thinking about her and i go to bed wondering what she is going to do different in the coming days or weeks. Right now I marvel at how much she is changing and growing, and then i sit back and wonder what i did that day to impact her and was that impact a good or bad one? Who knew that when i got pregnant 3 years ago that this would forever change my life! I mean everyone says that it does but really you don't believe them! I must say that she is the best thing that i have ever made(matt helped too) and she is the best part of me. She makes me daily strive to do better becuase i want so much for her.

Okay enough sappy stuff , can anyone answer my questions at top?

The sound machine

Ever had a hard time falling asleep and all you wanted was something that would lull you there... This is the story of my life! I usually fall asleep with the TV on which has been annoying people for years! Whether it be my sister who could hear it through the wall, or matt because it would keep him up or just drive him crazy because I can't decide on a channel. Well while staying at mom's this past weekend i started listening to their sound machine at night (to be exact the rolling waves) this took me back to hawaii almost instantly and i felt this great sense of comfort and peace. So last night I used the one i've had for well over a year and never turned on in my bedroom ( i hear what you people are saying about me through this computer screen) Last night it was the peaceful thunderstorm. Tonight who knows i have seven different options. In telling you this i'm gonna ask you who else has nights like this, i feel like i can't shut down my brain at night and just so you know this happens even on the days that i drink nothing but water and no caffeine.
 Is this what society has programmed us for? Or am i the only one out there.... If so oh well i'm crazy but you love me anyways...

The prompting of the blog.

I have really been thinking about writing again for some time and like they say there is no time like the present. This is where I wish I was writing from but alas I am sitting at the IMAC. ... Now what am I going to write about you may ask? Well hopefully it won't just be the boring ends and outs of my daily life. Although I am certain to have great stories about livi lou. But i will try not to just sit and brag.. I am hoping to be able to write to either express what i am thinking or something (like a quote) that got me thinking. So here is to the journey of a new blog!